Recent and Random Thoughts and Pics

So this last couple of weeks have been pretty amazing. it seems every week i am that much closer to finding out how i truly can be comfortable in my own skin. Every day makes it easier to be me and be proud to be me. Every day its easier to tell people about Candice and show them the true me.

I ran into a friend i had in school we were never really that close but when we reconnected it was nice because i wanted her to know about me. when i told her she loved it.

This last weekend i spent everyday as a women and that was amazing i have to admit i only hope i can spend more days then that in the near future.

Last week i bought the cutest black dress from H&M i don't think i could have found a better one to fit my body. you can see them in the pictures above. i have never got so many compliments on how i was dressed and how great i looked... finally i feel beautiful...

halloween 08

So this was the first Halloween i spent as Candice... can you say amazing!!! the night went great of course we had great drinks and a lot of dancing but us girls all entered a costume contest and Chelsea and Heather won and i came in second place. after wards we got a couple of boca bergurs at Hot Rods and then headed home... o ya it was nice also because we met so many new people

Versailles -Philharmonic Quintet-

The band playing was called Versailles -Philharmonic Quintet-, and they are a Japanese Goth Metal Visual Kei band. Zhanyi tells me: “Visual Kei is a Japanese term given to bands who wear visually stunning costumes. For the most part the bands’ costume and make-up are on the feminine side.” Feminine side? When he showed me this video, I thought everyone in the band except the lead singer was a girl.

I had NO IDEA this world existed, and it’s pretty mesmerizing. These guys are a giant bag of contradictions. It’s like GWAR meets Labyrinth meets The Tudors meets Anime. Here’s a clip from the show. Warning: lots of coy finger pointing alternating with head-banging ahead.

According to Zhanyi, visual kei bands have a common answer to the question “Why do you dress like a girl?” Simple: The chicks dig it.

Making new and developing old

This last weekend I spent Two days back to back as Candice, although shaving two days in a row sucked lol I had a great time. Friday was just another night of dancing, but Saturday was amazing. Chelsea and I met up with a group of transgendered girls and we hung out for hours, I had never filt so excepted in a public environment. I had some great conversations and some great drinks and possibly developed some good friendships

another thing that was really nice was seeing other couples like me and Chelsea ie; Jessica and Michelle, and Bianca and Sarah.

each day i feel more confident about the person i am "i don't hurt myself or others with my life style choice" i am just a nice respectful polite person named Candice.

Garbage's androgyny

When everything is going wrong
And you can't see the point in going on
Nothing in life is set in stone
There's nothing that can't be turned around

Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants to love someone
Out of the tree go pick a plum
Why can't we all just get along?

Boys.. Boys in the girls room
Girls.. Girls in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
Boys.. Boys in the parlour
Girls.. They're getting harder
I'll free your mind and your androgyny

No sweeter a taste that you could find
Than fruit hanging ripe upon the vine
There's never been an oyster so divine
A river deep that never runs dry

The birds and bees they hum along
Like treasures they twinkle in the sun
Get on board and have some fun
Take what you need to turn you on

Boys.. Boys in the girls room
Girls.. Girls in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
Boys.. Boys in the parlour
Girls.. They're getting harder
I'll free your mind
I'll free your mind
I'll free your mind
I’ll free your…

Boys.. Behind closed doors and under stars
Girls.. It doesn't matter where you are
Boys.. Collecting jewels that catch your eye
Girls.. Don't let a soulmate pass you by

Boys in the girls room
Girls in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
Boys in the parlour
They're getting harder
I'll free your mind
I'll free your mind

Boys in the girls room
Girls in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
Boys.. Boys in the parlour
Girls.. They're getting harder

I'll free your mind
I'll free your mind
I'll free your mind
I’ll free your…

Boys..
Girls..
Boys..
Girls..

Transgender girl found in american river in sacramento california

Transwoman found dead in American River

An unidentified transwoman was found dead in the American River on Sunday, September 21st, 2008, less than a mile from the Highway 160 Bridge.

Coroner officials have identified the person, whose last known address was in North Highlands, using fingerprints, but have not released the identity pending notification of next of kin.

Initial investigation indicates no foul play was involved, but authorities are awaiting autopsy results to determine a cause of death.

The Sacramento Gay and Lesbian Center is sending out emails, warning people to be careful in the area.

The Sacramento transgender community is "tight knit," according to David Nylund, Ph.D, the director of clinical services for the Sacramento Gay and Lesbian Center.

"It's a larger community then people realize," explained Nylund, who said the center sees more than one new transgender client a week and has a "well-attended" weekly adult transgender support group of between 20-30 people.

Nylund had scheduled a case conference meeting with the center's five other therapists to review records to determine if any of the center's clients might match the physical description of the person found.

Lester Neblett, executive director of the community center, said that the Sacramento Police Department had been in contact with the center Monday.

"The Sacramento LGBT community is deeply concerned for this person, her friends, and family," said Neblett. "The most important thing that can happen now is to determine the cause of death."

"This is the age transgender people are most at risk for violence," stated Nylund, who also is an associate professor of social work at California State University, Sacramento. "These individuals are more likely to be mistaken for young women" and the discovery that they have male genitalia can lead to violent acts against them, he explained.

"There is no doubt we need to do more to reach out to young people and to let them know they are not alone in their coming out process," said Neblett. "It can be a lonely, frightening time. We simply need to let the schools, professionals, churches, and community leaders know the center is here to provide support."

isis was voted off

first off we have to give her and tyra a huge thank you for doing what they did for the community. and even though isis was voted off i genuinly feel that it was solely based off the fact that she was not up to being americas next top model. she is amazing and beautiful and so is tyra...

Soooo they finally know... My Sisters yayyyyy.

Sooooo i told my sisters wow what a weight off my shoulders i feel even better now then i thought i was going to... at first i dont think they new how to take it but they have done a bunch of research and we have talked a lot and i think they finally understand the person i am. the main thing they were worried about was the posibility of loosing there brother and i had to reassure them that wasnt going to happen. i hope that soon we can all hang out. i love my sisters with ALL MY HEART Cassandra and Carrie you guys are my best friends thank you thank you thank you for letting me be me

The same place a brand new me

So me and my friends use to frequent a local club here in Sacramento, basically we were there every week. we stopped going and i had only been to that club before as my male self, yesterday we filt like it would be a good idea to go back since it had been so long... the only thing that is different this time around is that i am going as the girl i always wanted to be. i dont think anyone even knew i wasn't a genetic girl even when me and my friend phil were sitting at the bar an old frined of ours came up and didnt realize who i was until i finally told him and at that time he still didnt want to beleive me, but finally he did and told me how beautiful i am and that he was happy to see me happy... it was such a good night it was a night that reasurrued who i am

coming to a realization that sooner or later everyone will know

when something is a big part of who you are you stop wanting to hide it from people... i feel i have finally came to the conclusion that i really don't care who finds out i am transgendered actually i want people to know because this is who i am. the other night while i was at the mercantile having some drinks with some friends we thought how great it would be to come out to everyone at the same time so we are trying to get some type of show to do a special on us... that might be pretty extreme hopefully i can go through with it.

Rainbow Festival

Like i posted in my last blog i went out on friday with all of my friends do to the fact that Sylvia our friend from Canada "aaaaa" was in town. the club was so packed and drinks were ridiculously expensive so we decided to get stamped from the club and walk over to a local bar down the street named the mercantile (the best drinks in sacramento L and 20th and is transgendered Friendly) that's what i call the best of both worlds. we all grabbed a Vodka Cran and Sylvia had a Rum and Coke and after we finished our drinks we walked back to the club to enjoy some music and dancing.

I always like when there is a big event going on at the club because it seems as if more girls come out that normally wouldn't. anywayz i over came a mile stone last night. one of our friends Ric was down the street at the Marrs Complex at a place called Azul for one of his friends 21st Birthday, and even though Sacramento downtown is pretty excepting of different life styles walking out of the safety zones for a transgendered girl is always a little nerve racking, at least i thought it would be... when they asked me if it was cool if we walked over there to say hi at first i was like i don't know... then i was like OK if i want to be this person then others have to except me. and it helped that Sylvia told me i looked beautiful. so we walked down the street and i must say i think i am pretty convincing as a women because i didn't get any strange looks even from the group of teenager skateboarders that were hangin out side of azul.

I don't think i can say this enough... Life is Good when you can be yourself around good people

Last nite

Last night me and Chelsea had a nice time just relaxing and watching TV and Taking Pics of me in my New dress. and when heather got off work another one of our friends we decided it would be fun to go to "hipstick" lol i mean lipstick for some drinks and maybe some dancing. other then that this coming friday a friend is coming in from Canada and we are all going to go out for a nice night out Downtown, hopfully ending with a boca burger at Hot Rods. my friend form Canada Knows about Candice just hasnt seen her in person. i always feel a little weird talking about myself as candice in the third perosn because i feel she is me... i just wanted to add that last little thing... if you want to see more pics they are posted on my myspace

so it finally happend

I have been working towards a promotion at my job for a little while and it finally happened its like the first time in my life I can take a deep breath in and relax. It seems that i don't really have to much to complain about right now, every avenue of my life has improved tenfold and i cant help but to smile............... life is good

Faces 23rd anniverary 08-15-08

So the day started out pretty good I slept in and relaxed until I took a shower and got ready to go to the mall to pick out a new outfit for going out to faces night clubs 23rd b-day. as you can see in the picture. the night went great I had no nervous qualms from the time I started getting ready until the time we got home I flit relaxed and ready to have a good time. we got to the club and had a few drinks (vodka) of course from my favorite bartender, after getting a nice buzz going we thought it would be a good idea to hit the dance floor and we danced and it was so hot we had to get air so we went to the patio. I ran into a couple of my friends even one that new i dressed but had never seen me like that and she said how beautiful i am as Candice which is always nice to hear. after that a couple of my friends texts me and wanted to meet for a late night dinner after partying. so we went to hot rods. all in all it was a great night

Transgender Contestant to Compete on Top Model

One of the 14 girls who will compete on the new season of America's Next Top Model – which returns to The CW on September 3 – is transgender.

"My cards were dealt differently," Isis, a 22-year-old former receptionist, tells Us Weekly exclusively in its new issue, on newsstands now.

Hailing from Prince George's County, Maryland, Isis identifies herself as "a woman born physically male."

Will she be a role model?

"I like to help people, but I'm here to follow my dreams," she tells Us.

The inclusion of Isis is being hailed by GLAAD president Neil Giuliano as "an unprecedented opportunity for a community that is underrepresented on television.

"We applaud Tyra Banks and The CW for making this historic visibility of transgender people possible," Giuliano said.

This is Chelsea saying how it happens and how she feel's

alright, i was asked to write my own entry being as i am a pretty big part of candice's life... so here it is :)

just shy of six months ago, i met one of the most amazing people i have ever met. i wasn't looking for anyone, but immediately felt connected to this wonderful boy. not only was he gorgeous, he was the sweetest thing ever. like a month into what i had already realized was going to be a very important relationship in my life, he asked me if i was good at keeping secrets... me thinking nothing of it, said "it depends on the secret" obviously that wasn't the right answer, we re-visited the topic like a week later... i was asked the same question again, and this time i answered more appropriately.... i said "yes". i was then shown a picture... a picture of this beautiful boy whom i already knew i was falling for, dressed as a girl. and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "thats hot" followed by more things like "do you do your own make-up, you are hotter then me, thats not fair" i guess they weren't the typical questions, because he was taken aback by it. asking me if i wanted to know anything, if i was shocked, etc. and the truth was that i wasn't. and i didn't know why, but i really wasn't. i texted him later, telling him again that i thought it was hot... we discussed it, and decided we would explore this side of him together....

the first time he dressed for me, i was nervous... i kept waiting for the shock, waiting to be weirded out by it. when i saw him, in person as candice, i couldn't deny how pretty he looked. and i still wasn't weirded out.

i took it all in, as much as i could. i was and am legitly attracted to him as candice. and i fully believe that if it were anyone else, i wouldn't be. but he's special, and i have racked my brain for hours trying to figure out why i feel the way i do... but there is no answer.

i decided to play it cool, be alright about it, and not think about it too much, because when i thought about it, i got confused, it was easier to just go with the flow. he told me he wanted to go out dressed, and there was no question in my mind that i wanted to be that person to go with him... after that night, which was huge for him, but also huge for me... i knew that i couldn't deny thinking about it or anything.... it was part of him, and i cared so much about him that i was going to do everything i could to be supportive and be everything he needed.

it came easy to me, because like i said, i like him as candice too. i enjoy having fun with candice, going out with her, taking pictures,picking out outfits for her, and doing her make-up. i have been told that people like me are rare, and to me that seems crazy. i love this boy, so why wouldn't i love everything about him. i have no reason to judge him, or anything else, when he does so much good for me.

my acceptance of him and of candice, has done nothing but wonders for our relationship. and now, the way i see it.. is that i am the luckiest girl ever, because i get the best of both worlds... i get a boyfriend and a girlfriend.... and really who doesn't want that??

What has been and whats soon to come for me... i hope...

From wearing my sisters clothing occasionally as a kid and teenager. To dressing alone in my bedroom. To dressing with my ex-girlfriend in the bedroom wishing to get past those doors one day, thinking it would never really happen, then to abandoning Candice after breaking up with my ex thinking i would never find some one who would even kinda except me. then to finding Chelsea and building up to finally stepping out of the house and then to the local clubs and surrounding restaurants. this is where my dilemma lies... the next step. i want to start spending complete days or multiple day straight as Candice from waking up and getting ready for the day to paying bills and running errands maybe even one day going to work... i guess just wanting to be me

the girl

so the person who has single handily made a huge impact on my life is a girl by the name of Chelsea. she is wonderful and caring and thing i am beautiful anyway i am. after about a month of hanging out i knew i wanted here to know everything about me, that being (that i like to be a girl). so one day i told her i had a secret and i wanted to tell her and i left it at that. after beating around the bush for about a week i asked her if she wanted to join me for some coffee at a little cafe in downtown Sacramento and she did. i had my computer there with all the pics of me as Candice so when i told her that i cant tell her my secret i just had to show her, i showed her a pic of me as Candice and the first thing she said was how hot she thought it was... right there i thought i was going to die form excitement i didn't even have words to describe how i filt. after that since i think i was waiting for so long to meet some one who understood all of me it was like a snow ball with how quick that side of me developed when i found someone to truly except me... and probably because this is who i really want to be. ever since then we go shopping and pic out outfits and shoes together and talk and have a great life as Chelsea and Candice and Chelsea and Cameron. more to come about this women and our relationship.

Dresses...

The people who matter

basically these are the first people i came out to and didn't judge me. these poeple will always have a special place in my heart.

Going out is it always going to be nerve racking at first

i love going out i swear its the only time i truly get to relax and relieve stress in my life... but let me tell you those first three steps out of the house or out of the car towards the club is always so nerve racking... i guess the best way to put it is the storm before the calm lol. and then when you see someone you know that doesn't know that your not exactly who they thought you are its always a little funny and a little scared. but i am sure with time those nerve will go away...

Books i think you well love

LeRoy rose to considerable notoriety as the teenaged author of last year's Sarah, a novel about a gender-confused kid whose mother is a truckers' prostitute. In his latest work, a rawly written, riveting series of 10 interlocked stories that read fluidly as a novel, LeRoy returns to the themes of guilt and sin in the first-person voice of a boy so viciously abused by his caretakers that he is left with barely a sense of his own identity. Jeremiah is a child nobody wants, and he passes swiftly from foster parents to his angry and vindictive teenaged mother, Sarah, to his fanatically Evangelical grandparents. Sarah, herself badly wounded by her punishing, Bible-obsessed parents, gave birth to the boy when she was only 14; she returns at 18 to claim him. "Nobody takes what's mine," spouts the foul-mouthed, pill-popping, paranoid young woman. It's soon clear that Sarah cares nothing for her son, who becomes an unwelcome tagalong on her transient cross-country misadventures in hooking louche sugar daddies, stripping, turning tricks for truckers and cooking up explosive "crystal" in one boyfriend's cellar. The boy, who begins to crave Sarah's punishment as a way of keeping his life in balance, is frequently whipped for bed-wetting and is raped by her unsavory boyfriends; his denial of his sexuality becomes a pathetic attempt to identify with his tormentor. LeRoy depicts his ill-begotten characters as tenderly as Jean Genet, and delineates their acts of sadism and self-mutilation as unsparingly as A.M. Homes. Yet the stories resist spiraling into mere sensationalism. While Sarah becomes almost cartoonish in her savagery, the characters of the trucker child prostitute Milkshake and the lumbering biker Buddy are poignantly understated. Jeremiah, conflicted, emotionally bled but never self-pitying or defeated, elicits a gratifying sympathy. LeRoy's work is a startling achievement in his accelerating mastery of the literary form. (June)
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

First posting meeeeeeeeee

So this might be a long one but here I go. I was raised in a very close family of five, my two sisters me and my mom and dad. We grew up in a very small apartment where i shared a room with my sisters. Me and my family have always been very open with each other which probably contributes to the person i am today. That's just a brief history of when i was young. With in this last 2 years i have finally started coming into my own and who i want to be... which some one used a phrase that made me laugh but i think it describes it the best... (the best of both worlds). 2 years ago i thought that i was never going to be excepted for who i am but i kept trying to make efforts to be who i want to be and then a couple months ago i realized that this world isn't for a complete loss but their are actually good people in this world who except me for who i am... so thank you guys i cant say that enough.