Sunday, June 14, 2015

Pool day more then just a bikini

So this last Thursday I did something that is hard for most trans women I bought a bikini and was motivated to feel pretty in it and my own skin. I have a wife who is super supportive and her family although sometimes lacking in understanding is very supportive of my exploration of gender and transition. This being said we thought it would be a good thing to spend a day relaxing at the pool being that our life has been a higher level of continuous anxiety then ever before.

We woke up and got dolled up and and got dressed for a day at the pool. And it felt amazing not putting on the same old board shorts that I had grown so accustomed to. Instead a cute bikini with a bright pink top and cute skirted bottoms and a nice cover dress for when we were out and about. 

I have been lucky enough to feel girly and pretty in most outfits I choose to wear but one thing that's hard for all women is feeling pretty in skin that you spend most of the time covering up. For me my stomach and back are areas I find hard to except about myself. But in that moment we're I finally took off my dress and said to myself that this is me and I have to be ok with it before I can expect others to was a beautiful moment. 

Long story short we spent the day sun bathing and swimming and talking and Chelsea's mom and dad even joined us and in that moment I truly felt excepted because I allowed myself to be vulnerable  and I wasn't disappointed. 

Btw. This was my first time wearing a bikini in public and I feel confident enough to do it more often 

Life and why I have been gone

After trying to get pregnant for a while me and my wife are finally only a week away from giving birth to Our baby Charlie. This is the most amazing feeling and beautiful moment in our life, we are both nervous and anxious and also excited for what the future holds for us.  Not only do we have our baby Charlie on the way but we also bought a beautiful Victorian house that was built a 130 years ago which we have slowly been fixing up and making it into out dream home for our soon to be family of three.  Needless to say I have been extremely busy. 

With being busy it's easy to loose track of ones self about what makes you whole and complete and truly I am doing pretty good, with a job that fits my life style a wife who gets and understands me and is my best friend that I want to share everything with. And of course Charlie. 

But lately I have been sacrificing my progression through my transition for balancing all the many other aspects to my life this is no one persons fault except my own I chose to stop going to therapy and seeing the doctor about hrt (hormone replacement therapy) I weighed my decision out and although in a huge way it's self deprecating I know that my plan in the relative short term is to fully transition and I have to be ok with my transition and everybody's transition looks different. That mine may take longer then the next trans person. I am blessed to have so many people around me who support my decision to transition and my openess of gender fluidity in my life within this past 8 years. 

Life is short live it to its fullest and own the decisions you make in the end you are the only one that controls your happiness